Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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