Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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