It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
