is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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