i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
