I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
