I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
