IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
