He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
