It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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