If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
