you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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