i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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