Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
