Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pants are for mortals
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
