I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
