Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
