lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have aggressive nipples.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
