She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
