Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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