their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
