You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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