i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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