Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
