i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
