It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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