Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
