i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if i can run in heels then i can drive
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
