I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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