It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish my penis had a tongue
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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