yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
