I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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