Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
