yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
