shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
