I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
