so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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