Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
