she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
