Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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