Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
