Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
