Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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