She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
