if i can run in heels then i can drive
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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