I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
