well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
