Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
