at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
