So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
