he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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