i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
