I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
