my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
