i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have post one night stand depression
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