It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
