i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
