Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
