so explain again why im purple
no
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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