My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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